Response to Should or Shouldn't Parents Divorce?

By researching about this topic, I found out that socialization again plays a role in a child life. When parents divorce, the child tends to follow the path of his parents. Research shows that child of divorced parents tend to divorce in his marriage later on. The impacts of divorce to the children show socialization. Broken family disturbs the children’s studies and psychological attitudes. The parents will spend less time with their children when they divorce and thus the children get less guidance and company throughout their childhood. With less guidance they often get tangled in crimes and social issues. Whatever the parents do, it will affect the children.

Should or Shouldn’t Parents Divorce?

People want to create bonds with their loved one and thus they commit to live together forever under a term which we call “marriage”. However, obstacles always come and depending on how the couples react to these problems, whether or not they can keep their marriage intact. But it is not easy to maintain their status of marriage as sometimes the obstacles are unmanageable and the next thing they consider to do is to divorce. Although divorce is inevitable in some cases but the impacts are unavoidable. Divorce for couples with children will give more negative impacts to the family. Parents should consider the negative results of divorcing because in most cases, the impacts of divorcing outweigh the benefit of it which raise a question in people’s mind that is, “should or shouldn’t couples divorce?”.
According to an article “The Top 10 Reasons for Divorce” there are top ten reasons why couple divorce. One of the most common reasons is “infidelity” in marriage where there is a third person in the relationship by means one of the couple cannot maintain his/her faith for the spouse. There are many other reasons that break a family apart such as “communication breakdown, physical, psychological or emotional abuse, financial issues, sexual incompatibility, boredom, religious and cultural strains, child rearing, addiction, differences in priorities and expectations”. These reasons drive people to lose their control of their emotions and end up hurting each other. In that case, divorcing is the first thing that appears in their mind.
Woman employment can also lead to unstable relationship between couples which might result in divorce. According to the article “Women's employment, marital happiness, and divorce”, women employment decrease the stability of marriage despite of the high utility the family can get by receiving additional income because “the economic opportunity hypothesis asserts that labor force participation does not undermine happy marriages but gives women the resources to escape unhappy marriages”. Getting extra money is tempting to many women and makes them choose to entangle themselves in employment to have money to be spent on materialistic. But employment can make them lost their focus in marriage which will create dispute within couples as people believe that the most stable marriages are those that follow the role of exchange such that “the wife exchanges her domestic services (including childbearing) for the husband's economic support and vice versa”. Mothers will spend less time with their children and more likely to abandon them when they work. This action is prone to leading them to social issues like drugs which might result in family problem. Parents will fight and start blaming each other when their children are tangled in social issues. This will lead them to a choice of divorcing.
There are chances that divorce might lead them to depression because of the negative impacts that is dominating. Quarrelling in marriage is inevitable but people have choices whether to let their anger and disappointment lead them to a dead end where depression, poverty, unemployment, health problem and the destruction of their children psychology meets them which will be discussed soon. Divorce will not only cause pain to the couples but also to the children and this is the reason why parents should deliberate upon their choices.
There is no way that divorce doesn’t affect the work life of people. The couples that have decided to divorce need to spend a lot of time and money in finding lawyers. Moreover one of them will need to take care of their children by him/herself as written in “Employees' Divorce Harms Employers” that “they typically spend a large amount of time and energy finding a lawyer, revising household budgets, looking for a new place to live and making child care arrangements”. A study by Richard Mueller, a researcher at the University of Lethbridge in Alberta, Canada discovered that “in the year after a divorce, employees lost an average of more than 168 hours of work time”. This will affect the efficiency of the workers and when they get too inefficient, they are at the stake of losing their jobs which will give extra suffering.
When parents divorce, it goes to the worst for the children. Now both parents have to divide their finance individually and get lesser income comparing to when they join their salaries and thus they might suffer from poverty. According to the article “Single-Parent Families Are More Likely to Be Poor”, there was a study in University of Michigan that proved that divorce has resulted in nearly 50% decrease in yearly income. The study shows that “during the years children lived with two parents, their family incomes averaged $43,600, and when these same children lived with one parent, their family incomes averaged $25,300”. When the parents divorce, in some cases one of the parents stop to provide the needs for the other parent and thus he/she needs to support his/her children alone. The children that experience a sudden drop in financial status might have a higher probability to commit crimes because of the society pressure.
Working is time consuming and a lot more works are waiting ahead of the divorced parents which cause the children to spend more time with other people than with their biological parents. Dangerously the children are prone to getting physical abuse when their parents rely the lives of their children on others which according to the article “Broken Homes Increase the Risk of Child Abuse”, children often suffer from “homicide, rape, aggravated assault and other offenses” from other people because nobody is giving attention to them and the parents themselves do not know what is happening to their children when they ask somebody else to take care of them. There was a case written in the same article where “a 7-year-old North Side girl was beaten and burned more than 37 times with cigarettes with her uncle, who was living with the family and babysitting the first-grader and her siblings”. After knowing this case, you might want to deliberate on a question “are you ready to trust your children’s lives on others?”.
Spending lesser time with their parents, children tend to entangle in social issue because they have less attention and guidance. In the article “Parents Should Be Held Legally Responsible for Juvenile Crime”, the author “believes that parents who fail to adequately monitor their children's behavior ought to be held legally responsible when those children commit crimes”. Children need direction in their lives and when their parents divorce, the workload for each parents increase as they will need to manage their lives individually and so they will spend less time monitoring their children. In the article “Single Parenthood Increases the Risk of Juvenile Crime”, it states that “two parents can supervise the child's behavior more readily than one. Misbehavior can continue undetected and uncorrected for longer periods of time [in a single-parent household] until it becomes more severe and more difficult to manage”. The children can entangle themselves in gangs and drug abuse without their parents knowing when they spend little time with their parents. Father and mothers in intact families can take turn to look after their children as they have lesser workload to do when they can divide the work together, whereas in broken family, fathers and mothers need to work individually to earn for a living, leaving their children with less guidance.
Some parents are fighting for their children which in the end up dividing the time equally and make the children move weekly from one to another house. It is depressing for the children to be treated as objects. In an interview in the article “Joint Physical Custody Creates Problems for Children”, a 14 year old said, “If you're constantly moving you feel a bit lonely”. They feel lonely because they have two lives at a time and they often jumble up their different lives at different houses as another child complained, “I was getting mixed up about who I was”. Moreover each person has different parenting styles which often confuse the children. Mother and father treat their children differently and it tortures the children as a mother said, “it's all very well having their dad do things differently if it's once a month, as a treat, but living two completely opposite lifestyles tore the children in half”. They need to adjust to the parenting styles every week, the cycle that frequently happen is enjoying the freedom for one week in one house and back to another strict home regulation in another.
Beyond what is visible at the moment, people are unable to see the long-term effect of divorce that might disturb people’s healthiness. According to a study in Chicago it involves “8,652 people aged 51 to 61 found divorced people have 20% more chronic illnesses such as cancer than those who never marry”. It is more than just psychological problem which can be cured with time. The stress, depression and pressure from the divorce situation can damage people’s health. Moreover, remarry will not prevent and cure the diseases. According to an article “Divorce takes health toll that remarriage can't heal” in CNN news website, they “found that divorced or widowed people have 20 percent more chronic health conditions such as heart disease, diabetes or cancer than married people”. Unlike psychological problem that can be cured by remarriage, the psychological pressures from the situation itself create health problems in the future which is incurable.
Similar to many issues, there are many ways to see them. Beyond the disadvantages, people argue that divorce can be a good solution. When the studies show that divorce might make the children end up being delinquents, people oppose it by finding out that most of the massive destructions of children come even before the parents divorce and those children belong to a non harmony family where their parents fight frequently. A friend of mine admit that she prefer her parents to separate rather than fighting every night which makes her cannot feel at home. Fighting parents might render the children to frustration state and do not feel at home thus they will go out and find the place where they can feel better. Unfortunately, often times they find wrong places and commit to gangs. Intact family is not a guarantee to a peaceful home which can prevent the psychology destruction of the children. In this case, divorce can be the best solution for the children because they can have a more peaceful home when they parents are not together.
It is a very difficult option of parents to make when it comes to marriage. When a husband or wife creates troubles for the family and there is no way to stop it, divorce can be a good choice. I have a friend whose father couldn’t keep his faith in the marriage and did polygamy, rendering her mother to a deep state of depression which cause the children to be abandoned. She couldn’t do anything as everything she did will cause her to suffer from physical abuse from her husband. The law in my country, Indonesia, is not strong enough to help her from the abuse. The tremendous affliction that she carried all these time made her felt the anticlimax which caused her to give up on her children and didn’t want to do anything. Thus her mother relinquished the family, including her children because of the pain that she felt for years and years. The youngest son went rebellious seeing his mother didn’t care about him. The children have no role model in their lives to have a father who rarely went home and a mother who locked herself in the room abandoning her children. Money is not a problem for this family and keeping the marriage and divorce will only differ in the financial status. Her mother will need to work and earn for a living if she divorce and rearing three children by herself is not an easy thing. Moreover, whatever she does will not result in a better financial status than she is right now when her husband is supporting her life. If the case come to a point where neither divorce nor keeping the marriage work, what should parents do? In either divorcing or keeping the marriage, the couples have to change themselves. If the mother knows that she will not survive when she divorces she should accept her husband’s infidelity and stop mourning over her life. If she chooses to divorce then she should consider the opportunity cost of divorcing.
In general, it is impossible to find a smooth marriage without obstacle. Wisely, parents have to be selfless for their children but keep striving for their own happiness and this is when their most difficult question of their lives arises. What action should they take? Divorcing but gambling their children’s happiness? Or keep their marriage but have no peace at home? As we can see, impacts from divorcing are a lot more than the impacts of keeping the marriage. Parents have to consider prudently the cost and benefit and wisely choose which path to take. So which path will you take?

Response to Crimes Are Explained by Four Theories

From this essay I learned about the four theories. I also learned that if the environment is supportive for crimes, the criminals will take the chance to do crimes. Like the theory of broken window which states that when they leave a broken window in public, there were higher rate of crimes comparing to leaving normal window which shows that when the environment has the supportive condition to do crime, then there happens a crime. From this the socialization is obvious. Whatever the conditions of our societies are, they will affect our behaviors in that society.

Response to Our Personalities Are Dependent on Our Societies

Farmworker’s Daughter helps me to understand more about the dependency of our personalities to our societies. Rose was grown up in an uneasy environment where she had to suffer from many problems. I believe that was what made Rose strong. Her society forced her to work in her young age which made her a hardworking girl. Unlike other children at her young age at that time, she didn’t play much and didn’t complain a lot. She was acceptance to her condition. Being unable to do anything in her condition, she was taught to be acceptance to her life.

Response to Adult Prison VS Juvenile System

After reading the novel “True Notebooks”, I realized that everything that happens is the result of socialization. The delinquents come from the backgrounds that support their behaviors. Broken families, poor societies, pressure from the societies, bad influences are the most common reasons for them to join crimes. From the first time I learned about sociology, I began to realize that everything is related to our society. How good or bad our societies are reflected from our behaviors. I learned that young criminals need guidance to get through their punishment.

Response to What Makes The Identity

I learned a lot about socialization. There are different types of socialization, primary and secondary. I learned that our “self” is dependent on our society. The bad and the good things in our societies will mold us into ourselves. Primary socialization happens when we are young. We are like white paper when we are young, the societies will write on the paper and we will internalize whatever they write into ourselves forever so primary socialization is very important. After we finish the primary socialization we will go to the next step that is secondary socialization. This process is the adaptation of ourselves to our societies after we grow up. I realize that my family makes me into myself. All the things that they forbid me from doing make me know what is right and wrong and now I apply what I believe is right to my daily life. When I think back into the past I realize that all the problems in my society makes me stronger and wiser. My conservative family makes me have a conservative thought. Whatever my parents did to me affect my personalities. My family norms are passed down to me and I apply it to my daily life. My believes and perspectives come from the environment I grew up. My society helps me to see things in my way.

Crimes Are Explained By Four Theories

We are living in the world full of deviance. Everybody does deviant behavior with no exception. But some people do indecent behaviors that are against the law, in other words, they are harmful or disadvantaging other people. These behaviors fall into crime category. In “Theories of Crime and “Code Of The Streets” by Elija Anderson and “Conformity, Deviance, and Crime” by Giddens, they discuss about theories of Crime and what makes people do crime. There are four sociological theories of crime, that is, Followed by interactionist theories that imply that the society condition renders people to fall into criminals category. The theories are: functionalist theories, interactionist theories, conflict theory, control theory. People often divide themselves into “decent” and “street” categories. Decent people are the one that live their live heathily, accepting lives’ fact without doing any crime whereas street people are incapable of accepting themselves and thus become criminals. Many children grow up in lack-of-concerned type of family, they got little guidance when they are young that cause them to behave in different path and do crime when they grow up and fall into street people category. This is mentioned in the “Functionalist theories” which say that “functionalist theories see crime and deviance resulting from structural tensions and a lack of moral regulation within society”(Giddens 158) When children got lack of moral educations in their young age, they will not be prudent enough to solve their problem in non-deviant way. When the society in which they grow up put them in pressures of economical status or restrict them from accomplishing their dreams, they will not be able to accept their lives and thus do crime to fulfill their needs. “Lack of opportunity for success in the terms of the wider society is the main differentiating factor between those who engage in criminal behavior and those who do not”(Giddens 160). People often become jealous with others who have more than them and this jealousy cause them to destroy others’ possession or to achieve their success using a shortcut that is to do crime. The street people often maintain their respect by not wanting people to have more than them. They do this by stealing as Elijah mentions that “one way of campaigning for status is by taking the possessions of others” (53). In opposition to the decent family which “tend to be strict in their child-rearing practices, encouraging children to respect authority and walk a straight moral line”(Elijah 51). Parents that guide their children in a straight line make their children solve problem in wiser way rather than using violence and do crimes. The society in which we grow up affect our behaviors. When children grew up in indecent society, they will tend to follow the indecent behavior of people in their society. This lead them to do crime more than those who grow up in decent family as mention in “Interactionist Theories”. The theories say that “criminal behavior is learned within primary groups, particularly peer groups” (Giddens 160). When the people do crimes in which the children grow up, they are prone to do crime as well. How the society see things will affect the perspective of these children. Elijah mentions that physical appearance is one of the “code of street”, the rule in which street people follow to maintain their pride and respect. People have their own style of clothing but mostly they follow others as Elijah mentions that physical appearance “is shaped by what he thinks others are thinking of him in relation to his peers (53). Man often overrepresented as very strong than woman. All of these thinking come from the society in which a child grew up. When the society mold them wrongly, they will stick to their childhood thought until they grow up. Sometimes people act unfairly to each other because of financial, background, race, gender differences. The discriminations that people experience force them to do crimes. The theory behind this behavior is called “Conflict Theory”. “Individuals actively choose to engage in deviant behavior in response to the inequalities of the capitalist system” (Giddens 161). The decent family often have prejudice towards the street family which cause them to suffer from discriminations as Elijah mentions “These decent people are trying hard to be part of the mainstream culture, but the racism, real and perceived, that they encounter helps to legitimate the oppositional culture” (56). People feel the unfairness and they are losing the priviledge in many things because of their social status and thus they commit crime. Criminals often do crimes whenever they see the opportunity of doing this is mention in “Control Theory”. “Delinquents are often individuals whose low levels of self-control are a result of inadequate socialization at home or at school” (Giddens 162). When parents give less control to their children, they have more freedom in conducting deviant behaviors. As small kids are like blank papers, when they do mistakes and nobody correct them and restrict them from doing, they will keep doing it. Crimes are very common in our daily lives because of lack of control from the government and society as mentions by Elijah that “The code of the streets is actually a cultural adaptation to a profound lack of faith in the police and the judicial system” (50). The control from the government is not enough that there are a lot of wide hole for the criminals to maneuver in and commit crimes. In the theory of “Broken Windows”, “Studies have shown that proactive policing directed at maintaing public order can have a positive effect on reducing more serious crimes such as robbery” (Giddens 163). If we give more attention to the society and put more securities in places, the rate of crime will decrease as they have less chance in doing the crimes. Elijah writes a lot of “Interactionist Theories” in the readings. She gives a lot of examples of how society mold people up to become criminals. How the society see us will make us see others in the same way so we behave in the way that the society accept us. If the society thinks that man is more powerful than woman then the people will overrepresent man. How important people think about respect will make them behave in different ways to maintain their pride. How people think about appearance will form a new style, which the people in the society followed. I personally think that “Interactionist Theories” are explaining crimes the best. We do things by following others when we were young. If others do things improperly, we will act indecently. How people see things will make us see things in that way. Children do things initially by learning and following others. So how the society behaves will affect how we behave.